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Hidden entry... May 22nd 2007
Yesterday was the first time I felt alone. After school, everyone had their own activities. I was among the last few to leave class. I had no plans on that day. I slowly packed up and left class.
In the cubicle, I took out my iPod Nano and plugged my ear with the earphones. For some/no reason, I hurriedly left the restroom.
Maybe I was too used to going home with my friends that I felt loneliness inside me. No one to talk to. Someone to listen to my craps. Or at least someone that is there to accompany me on my way back. I slowly walked out of RP campus and to Woodlands MRT station. Even with my iPod playing music in my ears, it doesn't seem to clear up my loneliness. My music, for the first time, failed to accompany me. It's like playing an iPod with no music inside.
As usual, I observed the people who were around me. Lots of different types of people around. Beautiful people, and the experienced. Doesn't make much sense. I can see people giving me weird stares from all angles.
I was inside the part where 2 carriages are attached. Holding the handgrip. It's peak hours and lots of business people most likely coming home from work. And then I saw this girl sleeping. I can see that she was very tired. That's because she didn't even budge when the train stopped at the different stations. When the train stopped at the last stop (Jurong East), everyone promptly and quickly hoping to reach the other train before it leaves the station. She was still sleeping. I wanted to poke her up and tell her, "It's the last stop already. It's time for you to leave the train."(Another reason was so that I could make another friend.) But my mind was thinking, "Maybe she has already passed her stop, so better not wake her up." But then another thought came up. "But if she can sleep in the MRT, then that must mean that the most likely reason is Jurong East."
My mind came up with all sorts of thoughts. I slowly watched her sleep while I slowly followed the crowd out of the train.
Bad move. Guilty conscience attacked. I blamed myself for not taking the initiative to wake her up and telling her that it's the last stop and she's supposed to leave the train. And on the next train I sat and kept blaming myself. What kind of person am I? Why didn't I do it? It somehow reminded me of the time I also slept on the train will Jurong East (from Woodlands). Nobody woke me up then. But I woke up in time and I saw most of the passengers had already left the train. I still managed to get on the other train.
Guilty conscience is still there. I'm such a bad person.
Emo. Label me as one.
8:20 PM